It seems that the powers that be over at Twitler, I mean Kitler, are STILL refusing to let me join their ridiculous community. Insider info tells me they think my mogeurrotype has been doctored in some way, which is completely absurd. It took me a week to grow that tash. Well, they can stick their membership, I’ve got better things to do with my time, today I’m off to annexe the neighbour’s garden. Harrumph!
NB I’m keeping the tash for the whole month of Miaowvember, please send Fortnum & Masons hamper donations c/o my Butler who will ensure they are sent on to the needy ferals and strays at Battersea Cats Home.
As you can imagine, I’m always being approached by such and such companies to promote their wares, so here follows a brief episode of a couple of items of feline orientated tat that has been thrown at me to review.
As you can see, above, I am trying to figure out how to open some kind of mechanical Butler contraption called a PetSafe Feeder. My carer left this out for me when I sent her off to Paris to buy me some macarons, rendering me bereft of staff for the day. Readers, this thing is utterly useless. It’s supposed to open at certain times of the day and feed me but I sat on it for ages waiting to be fed, to no avail. It is either broken, or lazy.
Now, this is more like it. A lovely Cherrywood dining table which means I can eat at face level instead of having to bend down, which is splendid, because bending down to reach food is such a bore. An added bonus is that eating at this height is scientifically proven to enhance the digestive system, or some such nonsense. If I had a polydactyl thumb it would definitely be pointed upwards for this one.
If you would like to add your luxury product to my long waiting list for review please address all PR inquiries to my carer. Toodle-oo.
People often ask me where I obtain my fabulous outfits. Well, dear readers, I have a multitude of bespoke tailors and seamstresses working around the clock for me. This particular tuxedo was knocked up by Cat Atelier who have a workshop over the big duck pond. Next thing I know, some thesp type had stolen my look for one of his Z list films. Wannabes.
To contact my tailor please visit: Cat Atelier
I moved house. Twice.
Found some string.
Auditioned for a lead part in the new series of Poirot.
Went to a fancy dress party as a stupid bunny.
Did some gardening in my new garden.
Saw a Unicorn!
Got a new car seat.
Skyped my cousin Cooper in Hong Kong.
Went to another fancy dress party as a flipping Wizard.
Whoopsadaisy! I fell out of bed!
On the hottest day of the year mummy went to the Chap Olympiad but I stayed home in the shade.
Roll on Christmas.
It has come to my attention that a book was released last week entitled “I am Dandy” featuring photographs and interviews with dandies all over the world. I’m not sure why I was not included in this opus but it was clearly a glaring oversight. I expect I’ll be in the sequel – “I Am Dandier”. In the meantime, here is a photo of the so-called Dandy book, next to a selfie of me looking most unamused. Harrumph!
- The Dandy (theuglyjacket.wordpress.com)
- Gestalten – “I Am Dandy: The Return of the Elegant Gentleman” Book (freshnessmag.com)